feeble minded baseball writer votes for hall of fame

by Murray Smith

Well, its time to fill out the ol hall of fame ballot and carrier pigeon it back to the BBWAA. Now some people think I am far too old to be voting but I say my mind is as sharp as a fastball. To prove it, I will be looking at every player on the ballot and explain why they should or should not be in the hall of fame.

Roberto Alomar – I don’t see this young man as a hall of famer. Joe Morgan is a hall of famer, and he said this guy was not as good as he was, so he does not make the cut. Joe Morgan’s word is golden, heck he even won back to back world series titles with the Reds! Lets see mister fancy pants Alomar do that. NO.

Carlos Baerga Now I am not normally a big fan of players from different counties like this young man who is from Mexico, but he was a tough hitter for several years and I never heard Joe Morgan say he was better than him, so I will take that as gold. YES.

Jeff Bagwell I am told this young man had a lot of home runs, but I do not think it matters because the hall of fame is for professional base ball and I am certain these “Astros” were never professionals. Maybe a team will be called the “Astros” one day in the distant future like the year 2001 or something. NO.

Harold Baines I think this one is a test to make sure us writers are paying attention. Well they can’t fool me. I know I never saw a “Harold Baines” in base ball.

Bert Blyleven Does this guy not get the memo? No 300 wins, no Hall. Look at all the greats, Gaylord Perry, Don Sutton and Phil Niekro.  Now they were legendary pitchers. Plus this guy is Dutch. Sorry but you don’t get bonus points for playing hardball in wooden shoes. NO.

Bret Boone His daddy and granddaddy were both great ball players. This should mean a easy way to Cooperstown. Look at all that Dale Berra fellow, his dad was great and so was he. Yes.

Kevin Brown This young man was a tough SOB. You need tough SOBs to play base ball and that’s what he was. Plus unlike the newfangled base ball players, you Kevin Brown did not play baseball for the money.  YES.

John Franco Said he had 400 “saves”. I do not trust the newfangled stats. Sounds communist to me. NO.

Juan González I’ll tell you about this young man from Mexico. He could drive in runs. You need a guy who can drive in runs and Jon could drive them in with ease. Plus he is a two time most valuable player. Tell me another two time most valuable player who is not in the hall of fame. YES.

Marquis Grissom Sorry. No wimpy French guys in my hall of fame. NO.

Lenny Harris This young man was a great pinch hitter. This is important as you sometimes need a hitter in a pinch, like is a regular meets a broad during a game and takes off and he always answered the bell. YES.

Bobby Higginson This young man played career with the Detroit Tigers. That is commendable and worthy of being in the hall. These modern base ball players are always switching teams but he said, “No, I will remain loyal to my towne team.” I know Ty Cobb would like this fellow a lot for staying in Detroit. YES.

Charles Johnson This young man won four (count em, four!) gold gloves in his career. How Cooperstown can say no to a great receiver like this is beyond me. What do that want from a catcher, hitting too? YES.

Barry Larkin It turns out this young man was a short stop. He replaced the great Dave Concepcion in the Redlegs lineup. There is no way he could be better than Davey. That guy could catch that horsehide for sure. Sorry Barry, you are no Davey. NO.

Al Leiter This young man is a good southpaw, like Sandy Koufax. He even has as many wins as Koufax. A team needs good southpaws and the hall does too. YES.

Edgar Martinez A DESIGNATTED HITTER!! What in the name of Babe Ruth is going on? Was he too good to grab a mitt and go out there like everyone else? If all he did was hit, that does not make the cut. Babe ruth hit, fielded, pitched, ran, threw, sold hot dogs and drank beer during the game, and was grateful for the opportunity! No way.

Tino Martinez Since my stats sheet says he started his career with Seattle, I can not say yes. Those PCL seasons were longer than seasons in Major league base ball so who knows if he would have done as well. NO


Don Mattingly How does this lifetime Yankee not get in years ago? Plus his number is retried by the club, and you know they don’t give that to just anyone. On top of everything else, he had a great nickname, “Donnie base ball”. Elect him now so he can join the other lifetime Yankee greats in the Hall like “Goose” Gossage, “Catfish” Hunter and “Reggie” Jackson. YES.

Fred McGriff I am told this young man spent a year with the “devil rays”. Maybe I’m old fashioned but getting involved with Lucifer means you do not get in the Hall of fame. Unless you play for the Yankees, then it is pretty much a requirement. NO.

Mark McGwire Now this is a guy I can vote for, a big, tough, strong home run hitter. Sounds like a country kid right off of the pharm. YES.

Raúl Mondesí This young man from Mexico could hit for power and had a great arm. Maybe if he started his career in a bigger town he would have more of a chance, but the Dodgers had to move to that middle of nowhere place out west. Could never understand that one. NO.

Jack Morris Ol Sparky Anderson told me Jack was the best pitcher he ever coached. To think of all the legendary hurlers Sparky managed and Jack was the best. Sounds like a surefire winner to me. YES.

Dale Murphy Decent numbers but seems to be a goody two shoes, does not drink, does not smoke, does not chase wild broads. How is a guy supposed to be a good influence on the youngsters out there? NO.

John Olerud Nice young man but I could never figure out why he wore that helmet all the time. What is wrong, got a hole in your head or something? NO.

Rafael Palmeiro WOW! Check out the stats, 500 home runs, 3000 base hits, gold gloves, this guy is like Eddie Murray on steroids!! Sounds like an easy Yes to me. YES.

Dave Parker This young man smoked and had the nickname of Cobra. Sounds like a guy I would want to have next to me in the battles of base ball. YES.

Tim Raines It says this guy stole 800 bases. Well it seems this guy should be spending time on Alcatraz, not in Cooperstown until he can get the bases back to their original owners. I tell you this, you would not see Ty Cobb stealing bases would you? NO

Kirk Rueter This young man was a good pitcher and my wife said he looked like a matinee idol. YES.

Benito Santiago I say this young man from Mexico throw a base runner out from his knees.  I do not think the hall has anyone like that. YES.

Lee Smith I was told this young man is a “re-lief pitcher”. Back when I covered this grand old game, a pitcher started and finished the game. They did not need some other guy and pitch with him. How does a guy earn his scratch if he only pitches one inning a game anyway? It would be like me earning money for an incomplete story. NO.

B. J. Surhoff My grandkids have a trading card of him that says he is a future star. Sounds good to me. YES.

Alan Trammell I do not think this young man is good for the hall because he has two sets of double letters in his name. Why does he need all these letters? Setting type is tough and this Alan fellow seems to be making it tougher. Also these newfangled writers say he has a lot of the “war”. Well I covered the war and I don’t remember him, so I think they are making stuff up. NO.

Larry Walker From what my grandkids tell me, this Larry Walker fellow is from Canada. Well excuse me, but I thought I was voting for the AMERICAN base ball hall of fame, not some Canada hockey hall of swell or something. Definitely NOT.

In conclusion legends like Brown, Surhoff and Parker takes their place in baseball history.


One Response to “feeble minded baseball writer votes for hall of fame”

  1. largebill Says:

    Great commentary. One slight disagreement, Don Gullett was best pitcher Sparky got to manage.

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